“I will continue to be absolutely smoke free until my final January exam on the 27th.”
Note: Almost three weeks absolutely free of all contaminants. Respiratory health revitalised and regenerating. No inhalers and less breaks required during leg days.
Proverb: When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
-How do you distinguish between a stumble and a fall?
-If you classify an event as a stumble, can you limp to the chequered flag?
-Why finish the race if you’re not first?
Following days of whining, I decided to break and smoke half a cigarette. It tasted foul, barely enjoyable – yet at the time, I didn’t regret a thing. Do I regret now? I’m not sure… all that’s known is my mood swings aren’t safe. Five more nights and pride would have been radiated. A glow to show on the new born Flow.
Manufactured tobacco leaf + dyed paper sheet + cellulose acetate filter = Enjoyment?
No. Not remotely! Though the art of rolling, constructing something so symmetrical from such hazardous components – that’s pleasurable. The gradual, reliably overpowering sensation of a heavy, heated smoke down your lungs – that’s pleasurable. Giving birth to something, in order to incinerate it within flames -that’s pleasurable. Though this false pleasure is cruelly short lived, leaving you longing for more.
Being hard on oneself is often beneficial. This event shall be treated as a shameful stumble in order to prevent further disgrace. I promise, no smoking until the wise lady appears on the 27th… after, a decision must be made. Cancer sticks are disgusting and have been more challenging than mephedrone addiction.
Still can’t believe I caved… no matter how hard you claw, bite and howl, it’s like the pit will always drag you back under. Look in the mirror, reassess your reflection.